We talked through everything, the guilt, the C-Section, breastfeeding,
my history of depression/anxiety, mastitis. First up to address…mastitis…Not
just, fever, flu-like symptoms, antibiotics will make it better mastitis. Mastitits with an abscess that bought me a
double biopsy because the muscle tissue was so damaged from the infection. Second up…the anxiety/depression. I so wanted to will my way through this
one. But given the fact that I was
barely eating, having extreme panic attacks and of course my long history … her
recommendation was to start taking a medication for PPD. There were a couple of options, but going
with my history and what had worked in the past, we came up with a regimen that
would hopefully quickly work. This is
exactly what I was on up until the day I found out I was pregnant, when I
stopped everything . Unfortunately, this
regimen, was a no-go for breastfeeding.
I knew that stopping breastfeeding would in itself help alleviate the
depression and was also the recommendation from the breast doctor after my
biopsys. But the guilt…felt
crushing.
My family and husband constantly reminded me “You are a
great mom”…those are the words I needed.
Another healing moment for me…a dear friend and her mom came
over to bring food. Her mom is a prayer
warrior. This same mom who prayed with me during high-school as I suffered
through depression then, was here on my couch 10 years later. She didn’t come to give advice, she just came
to listen, to hug me and pray for me. I
sobbed…but these tears were different, they were healing. That’s what I needed, someone to listen…someone
to point me back to the Ultimate Healer, someone who could pray for me, as I
was too weak to pray.
Fast forward 1 month later…the world was looking
brighter. I was laughing, smiling…(ok,
actually I was still pretty stressed out over a crying baby…but I could totally
handle it!). I wasn’t paralyzed anymore…I
was just a normal new mommy, who definitely still has her breakdown moments,
tears and was exhausted. But deep down…I was joyous, despite normal daily ups
and downs. I didn’t feel like a
failure. Breastfeeding still haunted me
some…still does today. But, I love my
son, I love him with every ounce of me.
And whether it was medication, stopping breastfeeding, lots of prayer or
a combo of it all…I could be Wyatt’s mommy.
God made ME to be HIS mommy. His
plan was different then mine, and in the end…I think this whole experience reminded
me that He is in control, He is the ultimate healer, and to seek his approval
not man’s.
1)
Be sensitive to their birth story. Each story is different and God created that
story. But know that for some, there is
a mourning process associated with it. Some
women will mourn not ever having a true “pregnancy” but their birth story being
one of adoption. Some women will mourn
over not conceiving the way they had envisioned. Some women will mourn not
having a vaginal delivery. Be sensitive to
this…and remember God writes our story, so each story is perfect.
2)
Be sensitive to breastfeeding. First, is it really your place to ask a women
if she is nursing? There were many who would ask me this when it was totally
appropriate, but I also had complete strangers ask me. Really? None of your business.
Some women never produce enough milk, some babies have an allergy so severe they can’t
take their moms milk, some women suffer other illnesses that require them to be
on medications they don’t want to expose their child too, some women physically
can’t due to latching issues, some women have premature babies and can only do EBM, some women go back to work at 6 weeks and are at a
job that pumping is nearly impossible.
For all these women, they may be mourning not breastfeeding. Please , be sensitive in your comments on
this subject.
3)
Be sensitive to PPD….Do not ask “What is wrong
with you?” or “Why are you crying?”.
Trust me…these just make us feel worse.
4)
Don’t say “It’s going to get better.” Or “It won’t
be as bad the second time”. I know these
actually seem like very encouraging statements. But, in the moment of PPD, we don’t
really need advice, and honestly you don’t know when it’s going to get better…1
week, 6 weeks, 6 months. Only God knows. So, instead, pray that it DOES get
better and gets better FAST. Instead of
assuming round 2 will be better, which in my mind minimizes the first episode,
listen to their concerns and PRAY against it the second time. Help them set up accountability to see an MD
when things aren’t looking up, help them set up appts with counselors, help them
recognize symptoms earlier, tell them that they are a GREAT mom.
5)
Find anyone to talk to who has had PPD (not just baby blues). It always helps to talk to someone who knows
those feelings. If you don’t know
anyone. Here is a helpful website http://www.postpartumhealthalliance.org/ If you have had a C-Section and needing encouragement
I recommend joining your local ICAN chapter.
They are very supportive and often women who experienced a C-Section
have higher rates of PPD…so they are full of great information on the topic and
support groups. Breastfeeding support
groups I have heard are great for this too if you are still breastfeeding.
6)
I didn’t really know anyone who had gone through
PPD, except 1 work friend. And it wasn’t until I read Down Came the Rain by
Brooke Shields that I finally felt “normal”.
There was someone else out there that had been though those dark
days. A quote from her book…"I was in a bizarre state of mind," Shields describes,
"experiencing feelings that ranged from embarrassment to stoicism to
melancholy to shock, practically at once. I didn't feel at all joyful."
Shields assumed she'd bounce back in a few days, after resting from her
difficult labor. Instead, her feelings intensified: "This was sadness of a
shockingly different magnitude. It felt as if it would never go away."
"Find rest, oh my soul, in God alone. My hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation: he is my fortress, I will not be shaken" Psalm 62:5-6
ALL SMILES NOW :)
JJ Heller's "I Get to Be the One"
"I get to be the one to hold your hand
I get to be the one.
Through birthdays and broken bones
I'll be there to watch you grow
I get to be the one.
I get to be the one.
Through birthdays and broken bones
I'll be there to watch you grow
I get to be the one.
How does someone so small
Hold my heart so tightly..."
Hold my heart so tightly..."
I love you Wyatt Locke...you are my prince and I would do it all again just to see your face.
Helpful Links:
Interesting Blog on one mom's story about PPD and an Alternative Therapy