Adoption Timeline

So...what have we been up to the last 12 months. Well, you can check our adoption timeline on the blog if you like. But, I will try to summarize what we have done so far...and what happens next.

We knew adoption was going to happen and were excited to start the process soon after Xander was born.  Like I mentioned in previous blogs, some countries can take years before you can bring your child home, others are more quick. But, either way, we officially started the process in July 2015. 

We had decided on the country, and went with an agency that a few local friends had used, and had a good reputation. There are TONS of agencies out there, but we felt more comfortable going with a larger agency, and one who we knew had been in China for quite sometime. 

So, in July 2015...we applied.  We were quickly accepted by Holt, our agency, and began preparing for our homestudy.  Basically, over the course of the next few months, we were on what they call a "paper chase".  Birth certificates, marriage license, certificate of employment, medical exams, medical letters, letters of reference, tax documents, personal questionaries', fingerprints, background checks in every state you have ever lived in, photos, continuing education hours, multiple interviews with our social worker, a home evaluation (by the way..make sure you have a fire extinguisher and all drawers locked that could have something hazardous in it, like a candle). :)

The list goes on...we spent about 6 months getting all this done before our social worker completed our homestudy and it was sent to Holt for approval. 

Our homestudy, along with many many more documents and photos, are all gathered, certified by the state, authenticated by the US Embassy, and then finally gathered together to make your "Dossier."

Our Dossier was officially sent to China on April 8th, 2016!! We officially receive the title "DTC"...Dossier to China.  Once in China, the next step is for your dossier to officially be logged in to China's system.  You are then "LID." This took about 6 days...

Then over the next 4-6 weeks, your dossier is translated, reviewed...and then you begin your "wait."

So...here we are...waiting! :)

Let me tell you, the process of getting to waiting is exhausting, and at times very frustrating. There can be no typos, no discrepancies, no wording that doesn't suite China's preference, lots and lots of questioning during your homestudy, lots of phone calls, lots of overnighting of documents and waiting in line for fingerprints.  It is definitely a process. Don't get me wrong, I know it will be worth it...but wow, what a process.

Now what??  So, we wait for Holt to call us with a potential match.  We join in on monthly phone calls to hear the latest matching trends, we communicate with the matching team, our medical needs that we are comfortable with (see previous blog) and we wait. 

Right now...with Holt, the average wait for a boy is around 3 months to match. The average time to match a girl is 3-9 months.  Once you accept a match...lots and lots of more paper work.  Then, you expect to travel within 4-8 months of your match.

During this time, we are obviously also fundraising, preparing our family and home for another child, praying, praying and more praying. 

It's overwhelming at times, but so exciting too. 

We were DTC in April, so we should match between now and December.  Hopefully travel between December this year and summer of next year.  Of course, this could all change!! But, that is the current trends.

So, prayer for the matching process. Prayer for peace and clarity as we review potential files. Prayers for our physicians here, that they will be able to help guide us with the limited info they will be presented. Prayers for funds...adoption is not cheap.  Prayers for our little girl, wherever she may be. Prayers for Matt and I to grow stronger in this process, to see the Lord's heart more and more during this, to seek Him as we make difficult decisions.  Prayers for our boys, that the Lord prepares their little hearts for their new sister. Please pray with us.  This is our journey...and like they say, it takes a village. 

A Hard Goodbye

This week was by far, one of the most difficult one's Matt and I have been through.  I debated if I should even blog on this, because I didn't feel like I could even put into words the love that we had to say goodbye to. To an outsider, this scenario may seem silly to be sad about.  But this is just one of those situations where unless you are in our shoes, you have to trust and believe us when we say, we are heartbroken.

Three and a half years ago, Matt and I decided to start working with the Chin Refugee Ministry of Lewisville.  At that time, Wyatt was 18 months old, and we knew that going on international missions was not going to be on our radar for quite sometime.  So, instead, we sought out international missions in our own backyard.  Click here to read more about this amazing ministry and the Chin people. 

The Chin, are a people group from Myanmar (Burma) who have fled the country because of religious and ethnic persecution. Many families flee to neighboring countries, before coming to the US as an official refugee. The goal of this ministry is simply to love and equip the Chin people.  Many Chin have taken residence in Lewisville, and so the need of support grew, leading to the Chin Community Ministry.

There are various ways to support this ministry, but we chose to mentor a family.  What does this look like? The ministry paired us up with a family who had recently moved here and we were their "buddies."  We were their "family."  After an initial introduction with a translator, we used calendars, pictures, limited English and lots of signs to communicate with our family and begin building this relationship. 

We would use a calendar to show them when we would come back and tried to meet weekly for the first year or so.  After that, we spaced it out to every other week visits. 

Those first few months were challenging.  It was hard to communicate and the trust had not yet been built.  We wanted to help, but we didn't know where to begin.  But our children...their 3 boys, and our one boy, had an immediate bond. Language, color, race, environment did not stop them from immediately playing together and laughing.  Our love for the same God was the foundation, and then our sweet children grew our relationship. 

Week after week, we kept coming back. We would sit on the living room floor and start with pictures.  They would show us pictures of their country and we would show them pictures of ours.  We used a picture dictionary to help teach words and communicate.  We prayed together, in English and in Haka Chin.  We would bring them special American treats like donuts and cake to celebrate birthdays. We took them on first outings to places like the library, the park, the aquarium, and sno-cones.  We helped them understand their bills. We met for parent teacher conferences at the boys schools to see how they were doing. We did homework each weekend and read books.  We loved them.  They loved us.  Overtime, their family became our family.  We were one.  Isn't that how it should be? Brothers and sisters in Christ. One body.

Now I'm not going to say this has been an easy 3 and a half years. There were many Saturday mornings that I would have rather stayed in my PJ's. There were times we would be very nervous at the environment and some of the crime that took place around the apartment.  There were many times I would freak out about germs and to be honest didn't have the loving heart I should, but God's love would wash over. This was His love anyways. We love because He loved.

Then our family grew more with the addition of Xander. They loved Xander. The baby with the "Golden" hair, they would call him.  Over three years, their English grew, they grew, and our love grew.  Matt and I would talk about how one day we would see Biak walk across the stage at High School graduation.  We had dreams for their family just like our own. 

Without going into detail, our dreams were shattered this past Monday. Matt went over with the boys on a Monday that he was off work, and I was working. Within days, their situation had completely changed. Sweet mommy was gone and daddy was moving to New York with the boys.  Matt spent time with the translator trying to understand what was happening.  This couldn't be true.  They can't be leaving.  Over the course of the next 3-4 days we learned that not only were the boys and dad moving, they were moving soon.  We found out 3 days later, they were leaving Saturday.  We had less than 24 hours to get ourselves together to say goodbye. 

How do you say goodbye to this?  God, we thought we heard you? Isn't this where we were supposed to be?  And what about mommy, I don't get to say goodbye to her?  How do I hug these boys neck, knowing that I will most likely never see them again?  How do I communicate how much I love them? How do I communicate that God loves them more that I ever could?  How do I communicate that they have blessed me and my family in a way no one else has?  Please God, this can't be how this story ends. 

Heartbroken. Empty. Shock.  Devastated. Broken. Disbelief.

Those words don't even touch on the feelings that we felt this week, that we felt Friday morning hugging their necks. They don't begin to describe the emotions we feel right now. 

So we sifted through files and tried to find as many pictures as we could and printed them to give them.  I wrote notes in English expressing our love...expressing God's love.  I read the notes to daddy and the boys.  I could see in their eyes and tears, that they could see our heart. They loved us too. They were family.  They ARE family.

So this chapter in our life ends.  This was not the ending I wanted. This was not the ending we had dreamed.  But, I have to trust, that though it may seem like this chapter is over, maybe it isn't.  Maybe, there is something bigger, and I just won't see it.  Maybe I have to let go of my grip, and trust that God sees a much bigger picture.

I am not their Savior.  I love them, but there is a love much bigger than mine. So, maybe this chapter isn't over.  We just may not see how it ends until the Lord reveals it in full when we meet Him face to face. 

Until then, a piece of our hearts is empty tonight. 

Two Documentaries Worth Renting

There are two documentaries that Matt and I have watched this past year or two that really spoke on adoption.  I would highly recommend renting the full version if you can on Netflix or Amazon.  Please know this is NOT what all adoptions or orphanages look like. But it is thought provoking none the less. 

Stuck - Stuck is an award-winning documentary film, produced by Both Ends Burning that uncovers the personal, real-life stories of children and parents navigating a rollercoaster of bureaucracy on their journeys through the international adoption system, each filled with hope, elation -- and sometimes heartbreak.

Drop Box -
The Drop Box is a documentary about the work of Pastor Lee Jong-rak and his heroic efforts to embrace and protect his community’s most vulnerable children. By installing a drop box outside his home, Pastor Lee provides a safe haven to babies who would otherwise be abandoned on the streets to die. It’s a heart-wrenching exploration of the physical and emotional toll associated with providing refuge to save those deemed unwanted by society.  But it’s also a story of hope. And a celebration of the reality that every human life is sacred, has a purpose and is worthy of love.

Here are the trailer's....

Special Needs Adoption

" I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14

I went back and forth on whether I would write about this or not. But, maybe there is someone out there, considering adoption from China, and this post will help ease their fears and encourage them to step out in faith and consider a special needs adoption.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, China is no longer a country where orphanages are full of healthy girls.  In fact, the wait time for a healthy child in China is currently 5-7 years.  Most agencies don't even offer a healthy child program.  China is considered a special needs adoption country and the medical history and birth history of the children are not known. 

But, their definition of "special needs" is very broad, and not at all what I had thought.  This could mean anything from a birth mark to a child with more major needs that would require multiple surgeries, life-long medical care and even a shortened life expectancy.

Here is a graph that summarizes the special needs that one particular agency had seen when matching children. 

As you can see the list is quite extensive.  So, what exactly does this look like for an adopting family?  Each agency will have a Medical Needs List that you go through with your spouse, social worker and agency.  On this list are about 50 different special needs...again, anything from a birthmark to a terminal diagnosis.  This list is by no means an absolute, but it helps guide your agency in what is best for your family, what you are comfortable with and ultimately help them find the right family for EVERY child. To some families, the idea of having a child that would require surgery is very scary, to another it may not be.  That does not make one family better than another...it's just a way to again find the best home for each unique child God created. 

We not only have met with a social worker to discuss various special needs, but we also met with Children's International Medical Adoption Team to go over the list and get a better idea of what our lives could look like in each scenario.  Another factor that families need to consider, is what their current family dynamics are, how much time do you have to take care of a possible physical need. For example, will you be working, will you need to stay home? What does your insurance cover?  I never even thought about insurance, but have ran across several families who ended up not accepting a referral because of limited health benefits.

Now...here is the next leap of faith.  Medical history of each child is...well, lacking. So, you may read a medical review on a child and bring them home to find out there is a lot more medical needs than you knew.  But you may also bring that child home and find out that their health is much better that you originally thought. 

We will get a picture, sometimes videos, and limited medical information.  And then...I imagine, we will PRAY.

God, is this our daughter? Can we provide the best home for her?  God, is this your will?  I imagine these are some of the prayers that will flood as we review a potential match. 

So, I ask for YOUR prayers, as we wait.  That is were we are.  We are waiting for our agency, who knows our family, who knows are heart, to show us a referral.  Are there waiting children now...YES! Am I looking at pictures online and wondering...yes. It's hard...it's heart breaking honestly.  But, my heart and eyes are open.  God show us your will...we are waiting.

Finally, I just want to say, that it makes me sad that these precious children are considered "special needs."  I mean, in reality,  we all have something about us that makes us different.  I have a beautiful port wine birthmark that covers my lower left leg.  But, I can guarantee you, that no one else that God has created has that exact mark.  No one else, has my exact medical background.  Oh, but God created us....each one unique and PERFECT in his eyes. 

So let's not say anyone has a special need...let's say that God has created each of us uniquely and perfectly. We are all special. We are all LOVED. 

Be Near Oh God

One of the things that speaks to my heart the most is music.  No matter what my mood is, I can usually find the perfect song fitting for that day.  So, I want to start sharing different songs that have spoken to me. Maybe someone will run across one of these songs and be encouraged.

There are some songs that just stick with me...songs that the minute you begin to hear the intro, your mind and heart are drawn back to a particular place and time. 

I heard this song on the radio this week and immediately felt a flood of emotions that I had felt in May 3rd, 2014. 

Shane and Shane "Be Near Oh God"

That weekend was our annual "Friendcation."  Several of my bestest friends from highschool and our families pack up the car and head out to celebrate a long weekend full of fun and craziness! It was of course, an amazing trip because, well it just always is amazing when I'm with these girls.  But that Saturday morning, a little bit of darkness was cast on our trip. 

Without going into details, my heart was broken. 

Now, there is a CD that Wyatt listens to every naptime and at bedtime...a lullaby CD. Well, I remembered the CD player, but left his CD at home for the trip.  So, I pulled out an old Shane and Shane CD and put that in to play while he slept.  I have no doubt, that God planned for that CD to be with me that day.  As I sat laying on the bottom bunk bed, I was at a loss for words.  But no words were necessary...because in the background, Wyatt's music from his naptime quietly played...

For dark is light to You
Depths are height to You
Far is near
But Lord, I need to hear from You

Be near, oh God
Be near, oh God of us
Your nearness is to us our good


"But as for me, it is good to be near God.    I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
    I will tell of all your deeds."Psalm 73:28

"If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me    and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. " Psalm 139:11-12

So, if you are feeling a little distance from the Lord, know that He is NEAR.  Even when you cannot feel Him...He is near....in the darkness and in the Light.

A video I want to remember...

Why China?

So how did we finally decide on pursuing an adoption from China?  That answer was a little more difficult. As I have mentioned in previous blogs, we have known for quite a while that we wanted to adopt, but my heart was all over the place when it came to actually choosing a country.

My first desire was, of course, Zambia. I had been there several times, I had been inside and held babies in their orphanages, and a couple from our Church had adopted from Zambia.  But, we quickly learned, after a lot of research, that many of the African countries are just very difficult to adopt from. That doesn't mean it isn't possible, many families do and I wouldn't doubt if the Lord opens that door in the future for us! Right now, even countries like Ethiopia, which over the past decade has seen a huge rise in international adoptions, has become more strict and changed their regulations.

Every country is different in their "requirements" to adopt.  And these requirements can change at any time. Ethiopia for example has recently changed their requirements.  Sometimes these changes are absolutely necessary to prevent child trafficking, and sometimes the hold-ups and difficulties of adoption are brought upon for ridiculous reasons.  There are currently hundreds of children within the Democratic Republic of the Congo that are "stuck". Though they have been legally adopted by American families, the DRC just stopped issuing exit visas.

So in addition to meeting requirements to adopt, there are also issues with country stability, child trafficking, cost, length of travel to get your child etc. 

We thought and prayed about several African countries, but it just kept having closed doors. Then we looked at Haiti. They also recently became part of the Hague convention, which is in place to prevent child trafficking, and they had some changes in their requirements.  We thought after looking over these changes that this would be a good fit for our family.  But earlier in 2015, that door seemed to close also, because there were many families now waiting to adopt from Haiti and the length of time to bring them home was very uncertain.  One particular agency I had been watching and interested in, stopped accepting applications to Haiti and that was the final door shut for me.

China and South Korea...honestly I had ruled both out.  Again, they had specific requirements, that we did not meet, so I hadn't done a lot of research.  If you have read some of my earlier blogs, you might know that depression and anxiety have ailed me at times, and there is quite a stigma around depression and anxiety within China and South Korea.  Basically, with my history, I did not meet their "medical requirements." 

But, God must have had something else planned.  Ironically, the week I heard that the Haiti program I had been looking at was no longer accepting applications, I also get an email that China has changed their requirements! After speaking with the staff at different agencies and researching it some more, it seems, that as long as you have a medical letter from a physician stating your overall health and well being, that China would consider you. Yippee!!!! I was, and still am pretty nervous to see if we have any hold-ups along the way...but for me...that was an OPEN door, when another door was shut!

China. I started researching. The only thing I knew about Chinese adoptions was the "One-Child" policy that led to lots and lots of girls sitting within Chinese orphanages.  Well, come to find out, that policy slowly started phasing out a while back and actually is no longer in effect as of this past fall.  10 years ago, the orphanages were full of healthy little girls, waiting for a family.  That image is long gone. Now, Chinese orphanages, which are still overflowing, are filled with special medical needs children who have been abandoned in hospitals, on sidewalks and in front of orphanages.  Why are they abandoned? Either because of the stigma of having a child with a special need and/or the financial burden that a medical need is to an already struggling family. So, children, without mommies and daddies, who by society may be viewed as imperfect, but in God's eyes...they are perfect...fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Here is an excellent blog that details the changing face of Chinese adoptions.




So, again, after much prayer, this is where we are being called! China...here we come!!