Letters from the past...

I found this old letter of mine from 8 years ago. My passion for other countries started before this trip, but I must say, this particular trip was life-changing.  Here are the words from my 24 year old-self.

Well, it is now the beginning of September and I wanted to write and update you on the past 6 months. I must start by saying that this time has been centered around change: change in so many areas of my life. And as most of you know, I definitely have a hard time with change. But, it is during those times in life, when the path is uncertain, that your faith and trust in the Lord deepens as you learn to lean on Him and truly let Him guide your steps. “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

In May, I traveled with a team of 5 to Berlin, Germany. We worked with a local church there and had the opportunity to minister to college students, to pray for the city as we walked through different areas of darkness and to help out this local ministry in any way possible. The ministry that took place during my 3 weeks in Germany was very different than previous mission trips. Germany is very similar to the United States in the sense that people there are not convinced of the deep need that cries from their heart. And if someone does not think they need anything, this presents many challenges when sharing the gospel. BUT…a challenge that is not too big for our mighty God. In fact, it was beautiful to see how God was using the local missionaries there to reach out to Germany. It is completely centered on relationships. Building relationships and investing in others, while patiently waiting for the people of Germany to see that this love we give to others is a love that only comes from Christ. And with time, the eyes of Germany, and I believe the world, will see something different about Christianity. They will see the Light of Christ shining out of us. And this Light has and will continue to change and ultimately save a dying world. “In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16

I arrived home from Germany about 36 hours before my graduation from pharmacy school. I still can not believe that I have graduated. What a wonderful day that was to walk across the stage, among my friends, and look out and have my family and friends there to support me. I thank you all again, for your support and encouragement during the past 6 years. God truly blessed me by your words of encouragement, your love, and the countless other ways that you supported me. I must admit, a part of me really misses school. Going from being a full-time student to a full-time pharmacist is definitely a change and one that I am still adjusting to. However, in the end, I know that it is time for a beautiful chapter in my life to be closed, and a new one to be opened. I can not wait to see what this next chapter will look like.

About a month after graduating, I was blessed once again to embark on a journey that would change my life. On July 5th, I left the country, AGAIN, for the country of Zambia. Let me give you a little background information on Zambia. Zambia lies in southern Africa and is ranked as the 7th worst human poverty index in the world. The life expectancy is around 38 years of age. A large part of this is due to the devastation of the AIDS virus. What happens when a population has this short life expectancy? It leaves a country where half the population is less than 15…and over 1 million orphans. Orphans that are left to survive on their own, to go to bed at night hungry, and even worse…1 million orphans who go to bed at night terrified, wondering if this will be their last night in the nightmare they were born into.

So, I left to go see this country for myself. I had no idea what I could possibly do, or how God was going to use me. But I left, for one week, to just get a mere glimpse into their life. Little would I know that this glimpse into their life would change mine. I went with an organization called Family Legacy Missions. This ministry has, since 2001, poured into the lives of Zambian orphans and allowed an opportunity for other Americans to be a part of this life change as well. For 8 weeks during the summer, in Lusaka Zambia, there is Camp Life! What is Camp Life? Well, each week, around 900 orphans or vulnerable children come to camp to experience life ABUNDANTLY. For one week, they are taken from their nightmare to be loved and given words of Truth. From the ages of 5-17, these orphans come in, broken and bruised, from the inside out, and experience a week of life change.

I had a group of 17 beautiful girls who were aged 12-16. The theme for this year was Freedom in Christ. They were taught about the lies that Satan feeds them and then given truth: They are LOVED, ACCEPTED, SECURE, SIGNIFICANT, VICTORIOUS and FREE in Christ. Majority of my girls had not heard the name of Jesus prior to Monday morning. By the end of the week, they not only believed, but they were running through their villages telling others of our amazing King and how much He loves us.

During the week, I had time to spend one-on-one time with each girl, to hear her story, and to pray for her. I will not go into detail about each story (though I would love to) but I just want to take this opportunity to share that these stories were indescribably horrific. Listening to the girls cry as they told me what they went home to every night, left me bowing at the feet of Christ, begging Him to reach down and spare them. Why was I so fortunate to be born into what I was? I didn’t choose Flower Mound, Texas. And they didn’t choose Zambia, but now they have to live in it, fighting each day to survive.


All week, I kept praying for God to continue to open my heart so I could feel the pain they felt. See, your first response is to want to close up, to believe that what you are seeing and hearing is not true. So, I continued to pray fervently all week, that I would not become cold toward the devastation I was seeing. On the last day, I had to say good-bye to 17 girls who I had become so close with. I had to look into their eyes, which were now filled with the hope of Christ, and tell them I had to go home; worse…to tell them that they had to go home. I cried as I begged them to continue to be filled with joy even after Camp Life was over. See, the joy that I saw in their eyes, was not from ANYTHING that I said or did directly, it was from the amazing work of Jesus Christ. So, even after camp was over, they were SAFE and SECURE in Christ. For the last hour we were together, we as a group decided to spend that time crying out to Jesus together. I can still hear their waling so vividly, and I pray that I never forget the sights and sounds specifically from that last hour together. As painful as it was to watch them cry out like they did, the only thing that gave me comfort and peace was to know, they were crying out to Him, the ultimate healer of all wounds. That week He saved them and for the short days remaining in their lives, He will forever be the protector of their heart. And one glorious day, we will all rejoice together at the feet of Him who saved us all.

So, now I am home once again, and I just had to share with you not only what was going on in my life, but what was going on in Choolwe’s life, in Tisa’s life, in Clara’s life, and in the life of all the other 1 million Zambian Orphans. So, what can we possibly do for a country that is so far away? Friends and Family…the options are ENDLESS.

Well I think that is it for now. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions. I love you all so much and I am so excited to share with you this passion God has laid on my heart and I hope that you too will feel a pull in your heart to pray for these children. Because if we don’t….who will?


“Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of God is this: to visit the widows and the orphans in their distress.” James 1:27

Nikukondani
(I love you all)

So this was just over 8 years ago.  Since then I have had the opportunity to go back to Zambia two additional times, once with Matt.  Since having children, we haven't been able to go on any international mission trips, but I know that day is coming.  This time, with our kids in tow.  Oh how I long to see my boys serving others, to grow and learn to love like Christ, to see life outside the U.S.  I pray for their little hearts now, that they will see the light of Jesus Christ and that through Him, they will be a LIGHT in a dark world. 

Xander Luis

"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." Hebrews 6:19

Xander Luis...you entered this world on February 26th, 2015 and our lives have been forever changed.  Actually, the years and days leading up to your earthly arrival were some of the hardest and greatest days our family has shared.  We did not lose hope, we did not lose heart.  Isn't that everyone's story...days of celebration, days of mourning, days of peace and days of chaos.  But, wow, to know our GOD, is CONSTANT.  I am a planner....I like to know how things are going to turn out.  But this pregnancy was a little different.  Disclaimer: Xander was and has been completely healthy...but Satan had a way of trying to sneak in and cover me in fear anytime he could.  I wish I could say I never struggled with fear or doubt, but I would be lying.  Even when Xander was finally in my arms, I was somehow overcome by BELIEF and DISBELIEF. Is that even possible?? I guess so. 

Back to February 26th...the day was perfect.  I had wanted a VBAC, but slowly my heart changed and the Lord made it clear that was not best for me.  And, honestly, I was relieved.  I got to tuck Wyatt into bed one last time as a single child, prepare my heart that morning and walk into the hospital at 5am.  No laboring for 24 hours to end in C-Section like last time.  Just a smooth, beautiful morning.  My mom and dad showed up around 4:30...and like my daddy always says..."It's show time."  The preparation, the surgery, everything went perfectly except for a little vomiting.  But, when do I not vomit??  And, once again, we didn't know....baby girl or baby boy.  But at 7:55am....I saw HIM...Xander Luis.  Thank you Lord.  We are so so so undeserving of this gift?  Why us?  Why would You choose us to be Xander's mommy and daddy?  I don't know why...but He did.  Thank you Lord.


The highlight of the day...telling Wyatt he had a baby brother. I was adamant that he would be the first to know, the first to see baby Xander.  It was so perfect. My heart was so full. 

The recovery was definitely easier this time around.  And things just seemed more natural.  Unfortunately, PPD would rear it's ugly head once again at around Day 10, just like last time.  It wasn't any easier this time.  It was still some of the hardest, darkest days my soul has felt. It is devastating to be swallowed in a darkness that has no real source.  It is devastating to literally go from joy to being paralyzed in a matter of hours.  But this time, Matt and I had prepared, we knew what to look for. We knew what had to be done when this disease started to cast it's shadow over me. And as the days went on, the sun began to shine again.  I began to be able to feel my breath again.  PPD is a funny thing, because you aren't yourself....so my anchor, my Lord, I couldn't even feel Him.  You are just in a fog.  But, when the fog cleared, I knew once again, He didn't leave me. And somehow, through those dark days, He will be glorified. 

Oh Xander....you are quite the opposite of your big brother.  What a fun year it has been.  Umm....you have blonde hair and blue eyes by the way.  You are exactly what our family needed. I can't wait to see what all the Lord has planned for you. 

So, for now, we are enjoying making memories and praising the Lord for our family of four.  We will see what the future holds though...Lord willing, we can be four plus more.

He Gives and Takes Away

Have you ever noticed the beauty of a stone?  Take a wedding ring…it’s often a beautiful stone that is complimented by either other stones, or an additional band. It’s perfect and unique. Though other stones out there may look similar to an outsider, your ring is completely unique.  And you can’t imagine it any other way.

A lesson that has been slowly revealed to me over the past year or so is the perfect and unique nature of each of our lives.  Just like a beautiful wedding ring, our story, because it is written by God, is perfect and unique.  Every second of our lives were weaved together, like a patch on a quilt, to complement each other and in the end, create a beautiful masterpiece.  Every crushing trial and every joyous blessing, as it passed through the hands of our God, was perfect and unique to our life story. 

I bought two beautiful rings recently from James Avery, to remember two lives that were important to me.  They were two birthstone rings, so I had no choice in the color, but God did.  And as I slipped my two new rings on my finger, I couldn’t help my smile through my sadness, that these two stones complimented each other.  I couldn’t imagine one without the other.  They were perfect. And alone or apart from each other, it would be a totally different.  And so I was reminded, that each step in our journey here on earth, was created to all be interwoven to create a masterpiece.  Through life’s first cry, to death’s final breath, HE is doing something in you, creating a masterpiece.

Sometimes, when you are in the storm, you can’t see the beauty and you definitely can’t see the why behind it.  I will be honest, there are so many things I can think of, that I still don’t understand why.  But I do know, that is wasn’t meaningless.  And one day, when I am standing before the thrown, it will all make sense.  That beautiful quilt, filled with crushing trials and numerous mountaintops, will be revealed in full.  And it will honor Him.  It will glorify Him.  Because I didn’t create it, only He did.  He knew what patch would accentuate the other, He knew the color of each thread. 

So be reminded today, that whether you have just witnessed the miracle of life as a new cry filled the room, or whether you said goodbye too soon to someone that you loved, that God is there. Whether you are in a season of waiting, a season of loss, or a season of overwhelming blessings, He is there. When all else changes, He is constant.  He is good.

He gives. He takes away. Blessed be His name.

Darker Days and Brighter Endings: My thoughts on PPD...

 

My mind seems to always find its way back to some dark days.  Often, at night, when everyone else is sleeping…which, explains why I am writing this at 2am on a night I can’t sleep.  This is about 2 years overdue.  But, as part of trying to process some past feelings (or feelings that still can haunt me at night) I thought I would try to journal.  Maybe, this can bring some peace…if not to me, then maybe to someone else.

 PPD (Post-Partum Depression)…I had heard of it and read all about it before I had Wyatt.  http://www.postpartumprogress.com/the-symptoms-of-postpartum-depression-anxiety-in-plain-mama-english  Having a 15 year history of depression and anxiety prior to Wyatt, I knew that this was a possibility.  But, I guess, minus the hyperemesis gravidarium during pregnancy….I was feeling great.  I was excited, not really scared, and definitely not depressed.  I was prepared for this baby, had read every baby book I could find, was completely convinced I would have a successful vaginal delivery and of course breast-feed for a full year.  Mind over matter…right?

 Well, the Lord had slightly different plans.  Without going into too many details on Wyatt’s birthday…I will say I ended with C-Section.  At first, it didn’t shake me too much. Honestly, I had such a long difficult labor that just finally getting to know if it was a boy or a girl, a daughter or a son, was all I could wrap my mind around.  I couldn’t believe it…a boy. My precious son…Wyatt Locke.  You were here and healthy…I loved you.

 Fast-forward about 5 days.  Honestly, I remember it pretty vividly.  The day my milk came in. L  Before I knew it, it was as if this monster of fear had engulfed my mind.  I sobbed as the nurses told me I had to go home.  And the sobbing didn’t stop…

 What was wrong with me?  Here I was with a healthy baby, and it took everything in me to keep it together.  My mind just raced with anxiety.  Irrational fears that I couldn’t soothe my baby, that I couldn’t feed my baby, that I would fall asleep and miss something and he would be harmed.  The anxiety was crippling, like I was moving in slow-motion through a movie.  All the visitors, and their happy voices, were piercing to my heart.  Couldn’t they see it? Couldn’t they see that I was incapable of raising a baby? 

 This anxiety just fed the depression.  Day by day, hour by hour, I began to be convinced that I would never be the mom God intended me to be.  Flashbacks of pushing and pushing and pushing and still no baby…that had to be my fault right?  Not to mention, that I would just be paralyzed each time I fed Wyatt.  I am not sure if it was fear or sadness that crippled me…but I felt frozen in time.  Breastfeeding HAS to work though…I already had a C-Section, now if I can’t breastfeed, I really am a failure.

 I dreaded the phone calls, texts, people coming to visit.  I just tried to act like it was “Great” and that I was just sleepy.  But if they only could see into my mind.  My perfect and amazing husband recognized it all before I did.  I couldn’t eat…not even bagel bites. J I just wanted to sleep.  But when I would wake up I would just cry more.  I didn’t want to “harm” myself…but I just didn’t want to “be.” I didn’t want to wake up because these “daymares” and tears would continue.  And if one more person asks me “Are you nursing” I really might lose it.  When did that become a question that ANYONE felt like they could ask.  That question was a dagger to the heart.  I would answer “I am trying…”

 Add on guilt…guilty I had a C-Section, guilty I was having trouble with feeding, guilty I was anxious, guilty I was stricken with sadness and guilty that all while I was having these feelings, I had dear friends who were praying fervently for a child of their own.  Why did the Lord give me this child?  Obviously, I can’t do it…and there are others who would love the opportunity to raise a child, and they would be a “super-mom.”  Not me…no super mom here.

 A few weeks went by…and each day got worse and worse.  Being so hard on myself, I ignored some classic signs of mastitis.  Before I knew it I had another medical issue that I let get out of control.  So, finally, between this and the emotional pit I was in…I finally went to see my OBGYN.

We talked through everything, the guilt, the C-Section, breastfeeding, my history of depression/anxiety, mastitis. First up to address…mastitis…Not just, fever, flu-like symptoms, antibiotics will make it better mastitis.  Mastitits with an abscess that bought me a double biopsy because the muscle tissue was so damaged from the infection.  Second up…the anxiety/depression.  I so wanted to will my way through this one.  But given the fact that I was barely eating, having extreme panic attacks and of course my long history … her recommendation was to start taking a medication for PPD.  There were a couple of options, but going with my history and what had worked in the past, we came up with a regimen that would hopefully quickly work.  This is exactly what I was on up until the day I found out I was pregnant, when I stopped everything .  Unfortunately, this regimen, was a no-go for breastfeeding.  I knew that stopping breastfeeding would in itself help alleviate the depression and was also the recommendation from the breast doctor after my biopsys.  But the guilt…felt crushing. 

 So, I started on my new regimen.  And we started formula.  I couldn’t watch the first time Matt gave him a bottle.   It broke my heart.  I was failing.  Visitors continued to come…”Are you nursing?”  “How is breastfeeding?”…each time a dagger to my heart.  Seeing my friends nurse, or even the nursing room at church, again…a punch in the stomach.  A good friend kept gently reminding me…”Wyatt needs a healthy mommy more than breastmilk”  Thank God for this friend…those were the words I needed to hear. 

My family and husband constantly reminded me “You are a great mom”…those are the words I needed. 

Another healing moment for me…a dear friend and her mom came over to bring food.  Her mom is a prayer warrior. This same mom who prayed with me during high-school as I suffered through depression then, was here on my couch 10 years later.  She didn’t come to give advice, she just came to listen, to hug me and pray for me.  I sobbed…but these tears were different, they were healing.  That’s what I needed, someone to listen…someone to point me back to the Ultimate Healer, someone who could pray for me, as I was too weak to pray.

Fast forward 1 month later…the world was looking brighter.  I was laughing, smiling…(ok, actually I was still pretty stressed out over a crying baby…but I could totally handle it!).  I wasn’t paralyzed anymore…I was just a normal new mommy, who definitely still has her breakdown moments, tears and was exhausted. But deep down…I was joyous, despite normal daily ups and downs.  I didn’t feel like a failure.  Breastfeeding still haunted me some…still does today.  But, I love my son, I love him with every ounce of me.  And whether it was medication, stopping breastfeeding, lots of prayer or a combo of it all…I could be Wyatt’s mommy.  God made ME to be HIS mommy.  His plan was different then mine, and in the end…I think this whole experience reminded me that He is in control, He is the ultimate healer, and to seek his approval not man’s. 

 

A few thoughts for things you can do if you know someone who is suffering from PPD or has in the past…

1)      Be sensitive to their birth story.  Each story is different and God created that story.  But know that for some, there is a mourning process associated with it.  Some women will mourn not ever having a true “pregnancy” but their birth story being one of adoption.  Some women will mourn over not conceiving the way they had envisioned. Some women will mourn not having a vaginal delivery.  Be sensitive to this…and remember God writes our story, so each story is perfect.

2)      Be sensitive to breastfeeding.  First, is it really your place to ask a women if she is nursing? There were many who would ask me this when it was totally appropriate, but I also had complete strangers ask me. Really? None of your business. Some women never produce enough milk, some babies have an allergy so severe they can’t take their moms milk, some women suffer other illnesses that require them to be on medications they don’t want to expose their child too, some women physically can’t due to latching issues, some women have premature babies and can only do EBM, some women go back to work at 6 weeks and are at a job that pumping is nearly impossible.  For all these women, they may be mourning not breastfeeding.  Please , be sensitive in your comments on this subject.

3)      Be sensitive to PPD….Do not ask “What is wrong with you?” or “Why are you crying?”.  Trust me…these just make us feel worse.

4)      Don’t say “It’s going to get better.” Or “It won’t be as bad the second time”.  I know these actually seem like very encouraging statements. But, in the moment of PPD, we don’t really need advice, and honestly you don’t know when it’s going to get better…1 week, 6 weeks, 6 months. Only God knows. So, instead, pray that it DOES get better and gets better FAST.  Instead of assuming round 2 will be better, which in my mind minimizes the first episode, listen to their concerns and PRAY against it the second time.  Help them set up accountability to see an MD when things aren’t looking up, help them set up appts with counselors, help them recognize symptoms earlier, tell them that they are a GREAT mom.   

5)      Find anyone to talk to who has had PPD (not just baby blues).  It always helps to talk to someone who knows those feelings.  If you don’t know anyone.  Here is a helpful website http://www.postpartumhealthalliance.org/  If you have had a C-Section and needing encouragement I recommend joining your local ICAN chapter.  They are very supportive and often women who experienced a C-Section have higher rates of PPD…so they are full of great information on the topic and support groups.  Breastfeeding support groups I have heard are great for this too if you are still breastfeeding.

6)      I didn’t really know anyone who had gone through PPD, except 1 work friend. And it wasn’t until I read Down Came the Rain by Brooke Shields that I finally felt “normal”.  There was someone else out there that had been though those dark days.  A quote from her book…"I was in a bizarre state of mind," Shields describes, "experiencing feelings that ranged from embarrassment to stoicism to melancholy to shock, practically at once. I didn't feel at all joyful." Shields assumed she'd bounce back in a few days, after resting from her difficult labor. Instead, her feelings intensified: "This was sadness of a shockingly different magnitude. It felt as if it would never go away."

 

"Find rest, oh my soul, in God alone. My hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation: he is my fortress, I will not be shaken" Psalm 62:5-6

 

ALL SMILES NOW :)

 

 

JJ Heller's "I Get to Be the One"

 

 

"I get to be the one to hold your hand
I get to be the one.
Through birthdays and broken bones
I'll be there to watch you grow
I get to be the one.

How does someone so small
Hold my heart so tightly..."

 

I love you Wyatt Locke...you are my prince and I would do it all again just to see your face.

 

Helpful Links:

http://www.acog.org/~/media/For%20Patients/faq091.pdf?dmc=1&ts=20130804T0241247976

http://www.postpartumhealthalliance.org/ 

http://www.postpartumprogress.com/the-symptoms-of-postpartum-depression-anxiety-in-plain-mama-english 

http://www.ican-online.org/

Interesting Blog on one mom's story about PPD and an Alternative Therapy

http://littlefroggyfeet.blogspot.com/2013/05/why-i-chose-to-encapsulate-my-placenta.html?m=1

 

What I Have Learned the Past 12 Weeks

I promise, one day, I will post about Wyatt's birthday, but today I wanted to share and reflect on all the Lord has taught me since our precious baby boy came into our lives on June 15th.

1) The Lord showed me that my plan is not always His plan: For those who have heard Wyatt's birth story, it was definitely not what I had planned, but looking back it was perfect and beautiful. Ultimately, I am healthy and Wyatt is healthy and that is more than I could ever ask for.

2) I learned that I cannot do it on my own: Those first few weeks were very difficult; as I am sure they are for every new parent. I remember lying in my bed asking the Lord why he was not helping, and then I realized I had not asked. I was definitely begging for help during labor, but once Wyatt was here, it was like I forgot to ask for help from the one who could help me the most. No, He didn't miraculously step in and have Wyatt never cry or sleep perfectly through the night...but He did give me strength and the gift of patience that I did not have before.

3) Selflessness: The Lord first started to teach me about this when I got married. But, a baby...wow! All the time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, that precious baby comes before you and your needs. You sacrifice your sleep for his, your warm meal to feed him, your shower for an extra minute to console him, your routine for his routine....but it's so worth it. And ultimately, I was reminded that these small sacrifices are NOTHING compared to Jesus who sacrificed His life for ours.

4) We are blessed: The outflow of love from our family and friends has been overwhelming. Matt and I are so blessed to have so many people praying for us and helping us as we make this new journey.

I can't believe that my 12 weeks with Wyatt is over and that I return to work tomorrow. It breaks my heart to think about leaving him. I could sit and stare at him forever. But, I have had 85 days with my sweet baby boy. 85 days to bond with him and to learn all of these life lessons I have shared...and for that I am grateful. Obviously, for those who know me well, you know I work in a field where sweet babies may never make it to 85 days. I know so many people who would give anything for 85 days. Matt and I have prayed every night since Wyatt was born, for those new parents, for those who are pregnant, and those struggling to conceive. And, we will continue to do so. Becoming a parent has truly been life changing, and as I go back to work I can smile knowing that our Father in heaven is watching over Wyatt. And even if on some days, I only get to rock Wyatt to sleep at night that is still an amazing gift that I will cherish and be so thankful for!! So, tomorrow I am going to try my hardest to focus on what I am thankful for: That I have a healthy baby boy, that I have a loving husband who will be so supportive during this transition, that I have an amazing job that is also so supportive, that I have amazing parents and in-laws who are going to watch Wyatt and that our Father in heaven has a perfect plan for our family. I can't promise I won't cry and that I won't be sad...but maybe if I try to remember this, it will help ease the transition.

Wyatt Locke, I love you soooo much and I cannot wait for you to one day see how much that not only your father and I love you, but for you to learn how much God loves you. You are a blessing!

Boy or Girl?!?

So everyone, including Matt and I, are wondering if this baby growing inside me is a boy or a girl? To clear this up...WE DO NOT KNOW!! No, we are not being mean and just not telling people. We honestly do not know. Do we want to know the gender of the baby? Of course! But we would prefer to wait until June to find out. Our doctor does not know and the sonographer did not even look in that "area." So, the only one who knows the gender of this sweet baby is God. I have had some people make comments that they didn't know how I could fully bond with the baby without knowing the gender? Seriously?!? Do you think a women who is told she is having a boy and later finds out that it is a girl loves that baby any less? Probablly not.

We are are so blessed beyond measure to be carrying this baby and whether it is a boy or a girl...we are already in love with it! Our God created this being and knows the every detail of it's genetic make-up. And in just 2 months...we will finally get to meet this gift! This is one surprise we will never forget!

So....until then....it sure is fun to guess!!! Here are some old wives tales and my responses about gender prediction...

1) If you prefer to sleep on your left side then it is BOY! 2) If have nausea and vomiting really bad throughout pregnancy then it is a GIRL! 3) If you have dry skin during pregnancy then it is a BOY! 4) If you have been craving fruits and sweets during pregnancy then it is a GIRL! 5) If your face is breaking out and reminds you of when your were in middle school it is a GIRL! 6) If you have not had a lot of weight gain in your face then it is a BOY! 7) If a toddler that your know shows no interest in the baby growing in your belly then it is a BOY! 8) The Chinese Gender Chart predicts BOY! 9) If you are carrying high it is a girl...if you are carrying low it is a boy....(I have no idea...see pics below to make your own prediction) 10) If the baby is the shape of a basketball it is a boy...if it is the shape of a watermelon it is a girl...(Again, I have no idea...see pics below to make your own prediction) 30 Weeks... 24 Weeks... 24 Weeks...

67 Days to go.....

Lead Me to the Cross

We have been studying Philippians in our home group and one of the questions that keeps coming up is "What stirs your affection for the Lord?" and "What robs your affection for the Lord?" I think other nations stir my affection for the Lord. I think it is so amazing to see the God of the universe work in areas that I did not even know exist. It reminds me of just how BIG our God truly is. I think music also stirs my affection for the Lord. I have always been one that music helps me focus, helps me study better, run faster or just work harder. Worship music helps me to stop my racing thoughts about all that is going on and just focus on Him.

Something else that I have been thinking about lately is those moments in life that cause me to bow at the feet of Christ. Maybe it was a time when I felt so helpless that all I knew was to go to the cross. Or maybe it was a time when I was so overwhelmed with joy and I stopped to realize that our God deserves all the thanks and praise. Whatever the situation may be, I pray that I am consumed by these moments. I know that when we wander from the cross that the Lord never leaves us, but I wish I never wandered. I wish that every second of every day that I am constantly seeking the Lord. Unfortunately, I confess, I still wander. Today I pray again..."Lead me to the Cross."

Savior I come, quiet my soul

Remember, Redemptions hill

where your blood was spilled

for my ransom

Everything I once held dear

I count it all as loss

Lead me to the cross

where your love poured out

Bring me to my knees

Lord I lay me down

Rid me of myself

I belong to you

Oh lead me, lead me to the cross

Lead me to cross. Hillsong.