Adoption/Foster Journey #3 Part 3

Adoption/Foster Journey #3 Part 3

May 2020

The heaviness just seemed to be all around.  And it was mounting.  Friends were losing loved ones, marriages were falling apart, child abuse cases were through the roof, the murder of George Floyd, the loss of so many jobs, parents burying their children far too soon, and the unshakable divide in our country was unavoidable.  Things were slowly starting to re-open here in Texas, and for some that caused relief, for others fear.  I always cling to music when I am at a loss for words. The Lord has always used lyrics as a peaceful place to turn my thoughts.  And so these lyrics rang loud on my playlist....

"One day there'll be no more lives taken too soon. 

One day there'll be no more need for a hospital room. 

One day every tear that falls will be wiped by His hand

We will see the promised land

One day there'll be no more anger left in our eyes

One day the color of our skin won't cause a divide

One day we'll be family standing hand in hand

And we will see the promised land, we will see the promised land

Hallelujah, there will be healing

From this heartbreak we've been feeling

We'll sing in the darkest night'Cause we know that the light will come

And there will be healing, hallelujah

One day every knee will bow, every tongue will confess

One day when our tired and weary bones find their rest

One day when the power of evil is brought to an end

We will see the promise land"

The Lord was moving. I know He was.  

We continued to wrestle with the wait.  We took the last tiny steps at finishing our dossier documents and were just waiting for them to be authenticated.  

One day I did stumble across a little face on Facebook being advocated for.  This time it was a little girl, with congenital heart disease.  Should I ask to see her file?  I don't even know if this is where the Lord is leading us? But I went ahead and emailed our agency. I assumed she would be quickly matched.  They notified me that there were in fact multiple families looking at her file. I hesitated...because I wasn't sure what I would do if I saw her face.  And I also wasn't sure what my heart would do if she would be matched with another family.  But, I asked to see it.  So we quickly reviewed her information.  It was way more medically complex then I could wrap my mind around.  My little experience with pediatric cardiology had me stumped at how this girl was even alive. And we prayed, again.  God, if she is not supposed to be in our family, please have her be matched quickly.  I remember praying this prayer for a little boy half a year ago...and the Lord answered.  So, I cautiously opened my hands again to the Lord's will. Simultaneously, we were a little paralyzed by fear.  Fear that what if this is our daughter...how are we going to get her home.  She would definitely be a medical expedite...but families can't even fly into China right now? 

I will be honest. I struggled. Hard.  Amber alerts were going off on my phone multiple times a week, CPS cases were on the rise, and I truly wrestled with where the Lord was leading us.  Do we keep moving towards China...or do we take a turn and focus on a domestic adoption given the current international and viral climate.  You can't do both here in Texas, according to our states laws.  What if there was a child, right now...in the US...that was supposed to be with us? Lord...please speak.  I wanted a clear answer. I wanted the resounding booming voice to just tell me. 

But there still was not a peace.  Only bits of peace for itty bitty steps.  We would keep researching this little girl's hearts needs...as we finalized our dossier.  Lord, whether it is us, or another family, please bring her to the US soon...so she can know the love of a family, regardless of what her medical future may hold.  Lord lead us...each step.